


Tentacles of the Creed

by LadyLustful



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types, Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, crossover with Cthulhu Mythos, if you squint sideways, no knowledge of Cthulhu Mythos required, not-quite-human Altaïr, when the stars are right, why Altaïr can't go in the water
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:29:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLustful/pseuds/LadyLustful
Summary: The reason why Altair desynches in water.





	1. Chapter 1

“Get in there, Novice.”

“No”, said Altair with all the unreasonable stubbornness Malik had hoped against hope the other Assassin had left behind.

“Come on, what's the worst that could happen?”

“You don't wanna find out.”

“It can't be that bad. Look, if you somehow can't stand in this four-feet-deep ditch I will fish you out myself.”

“I'm not …”

Malik shoved Altair rather forcefully, making his lose his balance and splash into the murky water, flailing frantically. And then, he vanished, replaced by a monstrosity that made Malik's head hurt to just look at it.

“Told you something like this was going to happen”, The dark blue, many-eyed mass of writhing tentacles chittered, managing to sound at once utterly inhuman, very Altair and a combination of angry, petulant, and smug.

Malik screamed.

“Stop screaming, you're hurting my ears”, chittered The Thing That Could Not Be Altair.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More crack! With 300% more GOO-sassins!

“Cap'n, yer a Kraken!”

This was why it didn't do to combine rum with opium, or hemp, or whatever holy herb or mushroom one found on the latest island.

“Jaysus, Ade,” the many-tentacled thing his captain had turned into stretched in the water. Adewale could not help but think that if it (he?) had a face remotely resembling a human one, he (or it?) would be smirking. “I'm not a Kraken. I just... occasionally turn into one. And I'm not even sure Kraken is the correct name, I'm most most certainly not a mile across as the tales suggest. I should take offense, but I'm more offended with how they say I smell.”

Of all the ridiculous, moronic, insane things...

Ade puts a hand over his eyes and pretends it will all have passed when he's sober.

 

***

 

Splash!

Ezio lost his grip on the eaves and went tumbling down three storeys into the murky water.

A woman screamed,

“Mi dispiace, madonna”, said the monster sticking out of the canal with a wave of tentacles that might be interpreted as apologetic. “I did not meant to frighten you. I lost my concentration.”

 

***

 

“I look terrible, don't I?”, asks Desmond from the underground pool in the cave.

“Not really”, says Rebecca. “You're kind of cute in a Japanese tentacle porn kind of way.”

The tentacles flush a rather pretty deep blue that suggests Desmond is blushing.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And yes, Altair is a tentacle monster because the Precursors were GOOs. And by GOOs, I mean a wonderfully, fittingly gooey acronym for the Great Old Ones.


End file.
